Armando Guerra
No grites collections planted on Mount everest
Ida, a middle-aged whirlwind of conviction and caffeinated chaos, sat cross-legged in her South Miami studio , sipping her third cup of Café Bustelo. The steam from the coffee curled like the dreams in her head—big, bold, and slightly unhinged. Ida had a mission: to save the world with her brand, No Grites Collection, which championed the radical idea of disciplining children with respect, instilling manners, and promoting love for society.
But how could she make people listen?
“I’ll climb Mount Everest,” Ida declared to her 7 cats, . “In sandals. A night blouse. And with only fufu to sustain me. That’ll grab their attention.”
The cats blinked slowly, clearly unimpressed.
Two weeks later, Ida found herself at Everest Base Camp, standing among seasoned climbers decked out in high-tech gear. She, on the other hand, rubber sandals, a floral night blouse she’d bought on sale, and a fanny pack stuffed with instant Café Bustelo packets and neatly wrapped balls of fufu.
Camp One: The Hustle Begins
Ida’s ascent to Camp One was a spectacle. As climbers struggled with oxygen masks and ice axes, Ida hummed merengue tunes, occasionally stopping to boil snow for her Bustelo. The other climbers stared as she dipped a ball of fufu into her coffee like it was biscotti.
Camp Two: The Philosophy Unfolds
By the time Ida reached Camp Two, word of the eccentric climber had spread. She held impromptu lectures about No Grites at every pit stop. “You see, when kids respect their parents, they respect society. And when society’s strong, the world’s strong,” she proclaimed while sipping from her collapsible mug.
One climber dared to ask, “But why Everest?”
“Because if I can conquer the tallest mountain in the world in sandals, then disciplining kids with stern kindness should be a walk in the park.”
The logic was questionable, but the delivery was captivating.
Camp Three: Ida’s Cosmic Awakening
By Camp Three, Ida was teetering on the edge—of the mountain and sanity. The altitude, endless fufu, and relentless Café Bustelo intake worked their magic. Her mind cracked open like an egg.
At first, she saw her seven cats lounging majestically on the glaciers, their tails spelling cryptic messages in the snow. “Why are you all here?” she muttered.
The world around her dissolved into a swirling galaxy. Ida fell to her knees as planets spun and stars pulsed in perfect harmony. In this kaleidoscope of creation, she saw everything—the universe’s vastness, children learning respect, the interconnectedness of life, and, at the center, God.
God wasn’t a figure but a presence—a radiant force whispering, “Ida, discipline isn’t shouting; it’s love. Fufu fuels. Café Bustelo inspires. Go forth, and teach.”
She gasped, her night blouse billowing in the wind. “I understand now!” she shouted, tears streaming. “No Grites isn’t just a brand—it’s the way of the cosmos!”
Her fellow climbers peeked out of their tents. “She’s... enlightened?” one murmured.
“Or really into coffee,” another replied.
Either way, Ida knew she had touched truth—and she still had one camps to conquer.
Camp Four: Near Enlightenment
The climb from Camp Four to the summit was brutal. The biting cold tore through her night blouse, and her sandals barely gripped the icy terrain. But Ida pressed on, powered by sheer willpower, a belly full of fufu, and the faint hope of finding a divine vending machine at the summit.
At one point, she hallucinated a group of children chanting, “Respect the world! Respect your parents!” She laughed and wept simultaneously, convinced her mission was taking root.
The Peak: Total Enlightenment
When Ida finally reached the summit, she planted a No Grites Collection banner in the snow and turned to face the world below. She took a deep breath, ready to yell her message to the heavens.
But then, in the thin air of Everest’s peak, she felt a profound calm. The screaming winds whispered wisdom: change doesn’t come from shouting; it comes from action, persistence, and, apparently, good coffee.
Ida descended from Everest as a hero. Her journey went viral, her brand gained worldwide attention, and parents everywhere started buying No Grites gear. Ida’s sandals became a symbol of resilience, her night blouse a fashion statement, and her fufu-eating strategy an unlikely metaphor for discipline and sustenance.
And though she never quite broke the record time for the climb, Ida achieved something far greater: enlightenment—and a bestseller deal for her memoir, From Fufu to Freedom: Climbing Everest My Way.